5 Face Masks That Scream “Caution, But Make It Fashion!”

It’s been a while but here’s a lil #tbt of a humor piece I wrote at the beginning of the Pandemonium…

Spring is finally here! Which means it’s time to get in on the hottest trend of the season! Take a look at this year’s must have item, face masks! These babies are flying off the shelves so fast, you won’t wanna to leave your house without one…literally!

Surgical Masks aka The Classic:
These disposable gems put all the other masks on the map. This mask provides protection your basic face scarf could never! They’re selling out so fast, even healthcare professionals are screaming “Hey! Save some for us!”

A W2:
If you can’t go to work, then make this mask work for you! It’s a little on the DIY side, so you’ll have to customize it to fit your former tax bracket. Hot Tip: If you wanna be a real rebel, try a 1099 on for size! This mask is so hot, it’s practically essential!

A Fishbowl:
You won’t feel like a fish out of water with this head piece on! The extra glass layer will have you feeling like a human snow globe. So what are you waiting for? Put this bad boy on, and get a clear 360 view of your new normal!

An Old Halloween Mask:
When each day looks the same, you might as well live like it’s your favorite holiday! With a variety of classics to choose from, you’ll definitely be très chic in these streets! Whether you wanna look like Ghostface, Spiderman, or a bodega cat, you’ll definitely be seen from 6 feet away!

A Beanie Baby:
Congrats! Your favorite stuffed animals are finally worth something! These TY bears will have you looking stylish and nostalgic all at once. Once you strap this novelty toy to your face, it’ll definitely have you thinking of simpler times. Now get out there and put your collectors item to work!

Step out this Spring looking fiercer than ever! You’ll look so good, people will have no choice, but to keep their distance from you. Now whenever people see you they’ll have to wonder “Maybe she’s born with it”…Or maybe it’s quarantine!




Comedy writer and Associate Producer based in New York

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Candace Mitchell

Candace Mitchell

Comedy writer and Associate Producer based in New York

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